Caroline is leaving soon, and my buddies are heading to the beach. I have decided to stay alone in El Salto and reflect and bolt alone, again. I have another 4 weeks until I head to the demo series on the east coast, and I plan to take full advantage of it. Being alone is almost the best way to be for me. Its funny, but alone, there are no problems. I walk when I want to, stop when its time.
The last 2 weeks have been super intense. Without going into detail, life was about to change, but all of a sudden, it was brought to a halt in midst, and now it resumes like before.
I will walk. I will continue my search, but at the same time, I wait. Patience can be very soothing. It can purge a lot of waste and debris. It draws on the time we spent, and the memories. It begins, and ends. It lives and dies. It becomes, and disappears..
Staring out into the void off my last bolt today I seemed to understand a little more about the nothingness of our lives here. The creation, the truth, the matter, the space, the time, the cause and effect. What is a coincidence for one is a revelation for another. What is found, is lost once more. It cannot want more than I can be given. I cannot force the laws of life and bend them to my will. I see that now. What will be will be. In life as in death, it is just one more day on earth.
We try to believe that we are guided, that we are on a path predestined, that we are here for a reason, but the truth is, we are the ones who ultimately decide. We are given choices, but the actions are ours and ours alone. We want to believe that something is cause for cancer, or for a broken foot, or for a great love, but what we choose to associate with that is up to us. Is it life, or a master plan, or a supreme being?
The mistakes and the choices they entail holds us true to our blood. Our blood, we are all the same. Black, brown, white or dolphin, we are all part of each other. We are no better or worse, no different than one another. In the end we all stop breathing, all stop seeing, and we all end up on the floor.
Like all things, good and bad, you have the choice to decide, ultimately, what you want. And that is what makes us human. That is what makes us love and hate. Its what makes you, part of me.